You will always be 5AM to me. Weary, tired and anxious. Rising with the sun. A half-smile across your face as you rise from our shared bed and put on your bra and underwear.
In a haze you ask me if I can drop off your key on your lunch break.
"Okay"
You kiss my forehead like a worried Mother and whisper "go back to bed".
I will miss this the most when I miss you.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
The Truth
Scrawled on a piece of notebook paper and taped on her mirror:
Rachel,
There's not really an easy way to say this so I suppose I should just say it. I love you. I mean "I'm in love with you". I know that's hard to hear and I know you're happy with Jeff and I'm happy for you. I just had to say it finally and get it off my chest. I think I've always had feelings for you but I never wanted to hurt our friendship. I hope you are ok with this and things don't have to get weird between us. I can't imagine my life without you so please don't be uncomfortable with me. That's why I never really said anything...to protect that. I've just gotten to the age where secrets seem more and more meaningless to keep. If you are truly a friend then I owe you the truth.
Rachel,
There's not really an easy way to say this so I suppose I should just say it. I love you. I mean "I'm in love with you". I know that's hard to hear and I know you're happy with Jeff and I'm happy for you. I just had to say it finally and get it off my chest. I think I've always had feelings for you but I never wanted to hurt our friendship. I hope you are ok with this and things don't have to get weird between us. I can't imagine my life without you so please don't be uncomfortable with me. That's why I never really said anything...to protect that. I've just gotten to the age where secrets seem more and more meaningless to keep. If you are truly a friend then I owe you the truth.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Merle Haggard's House
"Over here on the right. This used to be Merle Haggard's house. And it used to be the only thing for miles and miles"
Cows dot the hills in the distance. I run my tounge along the bottom row of my teeth and fret over the crooked ones. He notices and says "too much sugar".
"You know who Merle Haggard is, right?"
"Of course I do", with mild irritation.
"Well, I don't know. Maybe you don't"
More silence passes by as do random palm trees and orange groves. A sign greets us with "Welcome to Bakersfield".
Cows dot the hills in the distance. I run my tounge along the bottom row of my teeth and fret over the crooked ones. He notices and says "too much sugar".
"You know who Merle Haggard is, right?"
"Of course I do", with mild irritation.
"Well, I don't know. Maybe you don't"
More silence passes by as do random palm trees and orange groves. A sign greets us with "Welcome to Bakersfield".
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Eric
"What?"
"What do you mean what?"
"I mean...what? What are you doing?"
"You heard what I said, Greg"
"O.k. I suppose I mean why? Why are you doing this?"
"Cause. It felt good. Ok. It feels good. I...need a change"
"But I can forgive you. We can fix this. You don't have to leave on top of everything else you've done"
"I want to leave"
Silence passes.
"I'm sorry"
"What is his name?"
"Oh, come on, Greg. Don't do this"
"It's just a simple question. What's his name?"
"Eric. Ok. His name is Eric"
"Where did you meet him?"
"I'm not doing this with you. I'm leaving. I'm sorry. Goodbye"
And with that she was gone.
I sat on the couch and slowly started going through the various stages of grief. I cried til I threw up. I rolled the name "Eric" around in my head until it lost all meaning. I repeated the name outloud. Slowly at first and then over and over like a mantra. I got up and said it louder into the living room. I shouted it to the ceiling. It quickly grew from a name to a primitive grunt. I hurled it into the air as I started pounding the wall with my fist. As the days went on it eventually became the only word I could say. People would say "hello" and I would reply "Eric".
"How are you?"
"Eric"
"Where are you from?"
"Eric"
"Eric...what state is that in?"
It grew until people thought that was my name and began calling me Eric. I embodied the spirit of Eric. I became the type of man that would break-up a marriage. I became Eric.
"What do you mean what?"
"I mean...what? What are you doing?"
"You heard what I said, Greg"
"O.k. I suppose I mean why? Why are you doing this?"
"Cause. It felt good. Ok. It feels good. I...need a change"
"But I can forgive you. We can fix this. You don't have to leave on top of everything else you've done"
"I want to leave"
Silence passes.
"I'm sorry"
"What is his name?"
"Oh, come on, Greg. Don't do this"
"It's just a simple question. What's his name?"
"Eric. Ok. His name is Eric"
"Where did you meet him?"
"I'm not doing this with you. I'm leaving. I'm sorry. Goodbye"
And with that she was gone.
I sat on the couch and slowly started going through the various stages of grief. I cried til I threw up. I rolled the name "Eric" around in my head until it lost all meaning. I repeated the name outloud. Slowly at first and then over and over like a mantra. I got up and said it louder into the living room. I shouted it to the ceiling. It quickly grew from a name to a primitive grunt. I hurled it into the air as I started pounding the wall with my fist. As the days went on it eventually became the only word I could say. People would say "hello" and I would reply "Eric".
"How are you?"
"Eric"
"Where are you from?"
"Eric"
"Eric...what state is that in?"
It grew until people thought that was my name and began calling me Eric. I embodied the spirit of Eric. I became the type of man that would break-up a marriage. I became Eric.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Cloud Cover
The sky was dark grey. Like ash. It was night.
James was standing over Heather's body.
He was thinking about something else. Once on the bus he watched 2 strangers kiss each other. The woman didn't have enough money to pay the fare and promised a kiss to somebody who would help her. An overweight man paid her fare and she kissed him on the lips. He smiled at this thought and Heather thought he was smiling because of her. He wished Heather was a stranger again. He wanted to feel that thrilling discomfort.
She was laid out underneath him, her arms were akimbo and her eyes were closed. She held a pucker with her lips. He leaned down over her until her bare breasts touched his chest. He kissed her once softly and pulled away.
"Goodnight, Heather"
"Where are you going?"
"Home"
Heather laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"Wham. Bam. Thank you, ma'am. Is that how it is?", she said teasingly.
"Heather. Come on. You know it's not like that. I'm tired. I want to get some stuff done tomorrow"
Heather laughed again, covering her mouth this time.
"What's funny now?"
"Nothing. I was just thinking of that time you flipped off that guy in the truck and how he followed us home and how silly you looked trying to get him to not kick your ass"
James smiled.
"That scared the shit outta me"
"What's so great about home anyway? Why do you always leave me for it? You gotta secret girl up there?"
James laughed.
"Of course not. I just like my alone time"
Heather playfully grabbed his crotch.
"You mean jack off time"
James batted her hand away, smiling.
"Knock it off! I'm gonna go home, ok? I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Ok"
James thought about tomorrow and the next day and the day after that...all filled with Heather and her same body and same stories. There was a time that gave him comfort but it started to scare him.
James started to drive to his apartment but decided he needed to clear his head. He drove east, he drove west. He flipped the cassette in his tape deck 4 times, listening to each side twice. He drove until the sky was no longer dark grey but light grey. He looked up at the sky and wished it would clear.
James was standing over Heather's body.
He was thinking about something else. Once on the bus he watched 2 strangers kiss each other. The woman didn't have enough money to pay the fare and promised a kiss to somebody who would help her. An overweight man paid her fare and she kissed him on the lips. He smiled at this thought and Heather thought he was smiling because of her. He wished Heather was a stranger again. He wanted to feel that thrilling discomfort.
She was laid out underneath him, her arms were akimbo and her eyes were closed. She held a pucker with her lips. He leaned down over her until her bare breasts touched his chest. He kissed her once softly and pulled away.
"Goodnight, Heather"
"Where are you going?"
"Home"
Heather laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"Wham. Bam. Thank you, ma'am. Is that how it is?", she said teasingly.
"Heather. Come on. You know it's not like that. I'm tired. I want to get some stuff done tomorrow"
Heather laughed again, covering her mouth this time.
"What's funny now?"
"Nothing. I was just thinking of that time you flipped off that guy in the truck and how he followed us home and how silly you looked trying to get him to not kick your ass"
James smiled.
"That scared the shit outta me"
"What's so great about home anyway? Why do you always leave me for it? You gotta secret girl up there?"
James laughed.
"Of course not. I just like my alone time"
Heather playfully grabbed his crotch.
"You mean jack off time"
James batted her hand away, smiling.
"Knock it off! I'm gonna go home, ok? I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Ok"
James thought about tomorrow and the next day and the day after that...all filled with Heather and her same body and same stories. There was a time that gave him comfort but it started to scare him.
James started to drive to his apartment but decided he needed to clear his head. He drove east, he drove west. He flipped the cassette in his tape deck 4 times, listening to each side twice. He drove until the sky was no longer dark grey but light grey. He looked up at the sky and wished it would clear.
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